Firstly, a MASSIVE congrats is definitely in order for the amazing 21 months achievement! That's incredible!
Try not to beat yourself up about the slip-up. It's not necessarily a relapse. Just a slip-up. It sounds like the setback was medication fuelled. I'm sure I don't need to say anything about how influential and powerful meds can be. The whole point is that they affect the way your brain operates. It's not YOU who's messed up. It was perhaps just a little too early for you to come off the meds. The fact you wanted to try though shows just how serious you are about getting better. Try to channel that motivation and ambition into stopping this incident from becoming a relapse. You can do it! How do you feel about the meds in general? Do you get bad side effects?
Oh and don't feel too pressurized into keeping this secret from everyone. I think you'll have commanded too much respect for lasting 21 months for them to simply chuck you back in hospital for a slip-up.
Take care, sweetie xx
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