Just to clarify. I'm struggling with ALL meds. Yes anti rejection but also mood stabilisers, anti anxiety, and symptom control meds. They are currently ALL a problem. I have focused on the antirejection as these are the ones that are freaking me out most.
I am only too aware of the fact that I hold something very precious inside me that with it holds a huge burden of responsibility. I feel so sorry that I can not be a be a decent recipient and live a half decent life that I'd be proud to write and tell the donor family about. But I've given up on this hope, it's not possible I've let them down either way. Now I feel like I'm letting others down by using up NHS resources when I really don't believe that anone/anything can help me. It was hard hearing what you have to say fragile as glass but I know(hope) you're not trying to make me feel worse.
Why this initially all began was that I did not believe I needed to take the meds(illogical I know- but I believed it)
But when I tried to then start taking them again I felt full of distress/anxiety/couldn't do it
As time progresses this is making me in turn feel depressed and like i don't want to be here. So it's even harder to force myself to take them. Plus other self harm increasing as I become angrier and angrier at myself.
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