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help
recently diagnosed with GAD/PTSD. it sucks. i used to be the party type of person having fun with friends then i took it to far one night with a certan substance. woke up in a different city than i went to bed in literally had my "hangover" moment. now anytime i try to be social or put myself out there i struggle with panic attacks. either i cant figure out anything to say because im too busy hating myself, or i literally believe all my friends are talking about me even though they are not and try to support me through my issues.....obviously they have no idea how to truly understand it but i feel like im a burden to everyone around me. i feel like im being babysat as they always look out for me now that they are aware of my issues but that doesnt necessarily help and sometimes all i want is for someone to realize oh **** you havent said anything in awhile you doing alright bro? instead i just feel like they accept the situation and try to avoid eye contact, but to be fair so do i. i feel like a loser and broke down tonight. i wanted to end things because it feels like the way out, i dont feel like what ive been going through will change. fortunately, i found the mixed nuts chatroom and manage to crack a smile talking to people on there. i feel like nobody understands and literally choose to live simply because im scared of what it would do to my mom.......not exactly the greatest motivation to keep going. tonight scared me, ive never been that close before.
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