Hi, i.am.me, thanks for the reply,
I have been feeling a bit better over the last few days, I haven't been having any suicidal thoughts, but I have been cutting more than before, I've always been quite careful not to cut deep, to avoid too much scarring but unfortunately this week I went far anough to need steris, which might not sound much to some people, but it is for me. The trouble is, I feel OK during the day (I was even really hyper at work yesterday) then get low at night, which is when I get the opportuntity to cut. Sorry to go into detail, but I have conflicting thoughts going on at the moment, on one hand I never, ever want anyone to find out about this, I couldn't handle people seeing my cuts or scars, but a tiny part of me is screaming out for someone to notice and understand what I'm going through, and tell me it's OK. That will never happen though because I wouldn't let anyone know (apart from on here and when I get the courage to tell my GP again) No one I know would understand, and I couldn't handle people treating me differently because of it.
As for the meds and depression, I still think the meds have a major role to play in this, it feels different to when I was diagnosed with depression as a teenager, or maybe it's just becasue I'm dealing with it differently. I had a quick look on google scholar and found out there is a strong link between epilepsy and psychiatric issues, so maybe it is real depression and not just 'drug-induced' it's difficult because epilepsy drugs are known to cause mood problems. I'll talke to the new neuro about it, they will be epilepsy specialists, so they should know more.
Sorry, I didn't mean to go on so much! I have to go to work now though, so I'll pop back later x
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