So sorry you're feeling like this right now, have you got any support at the moment at all? Or any help from their fathers?
Maybe it would help if you told yourself although you were happier on drugs your friends & family weren't necessarily happier with you.
Also getting off the drugs gave you three healthy children, which may not have happened had you stayed on them.
There are lots of positives, try not to lose sight of them.
Also, the way memory works is it can often exaggerate the past: we'll think that a 'happy' time was in fact a lot better than it actually was and forget about the bad times (such as the lack of money, comedowns etc caused by drugs) , I've found this also works visa versa, but it may just be me.
Sorry for the slight ramble, hope this helps a little.
xxx
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