thanks guys. sorry I wish I could say that I slept on it and am feeling much better now but I am not.
...I just, I dont know what to do anymore:s
saw my counsellor this morning... and the way she was talking she sounded happy for me to do DBT as it would mean finally being rid of me. I mean come on... she asked me if I had a starting date for it and when I said no but the waiting list was like a month she sounded happy that we may only have 4 sessions left with each other *cries*
I emailed what I wrote to my helpline counsellor too... a supervisor replied asking about my immediate safety. I have yet to reply but I am trying to make myself call the helpline this afternoon and talk to my other counsellor I have there.
I just feel so cold and numb inside. Like there is nothing in me left? yesterday we went out (a worker, resident and me) and the place we went to was like less than an hours drive from where my abuser lives:s I have not been out that way in years and I know my disguise I had on was pretty damn good but I was shaking inside with fear and had to keep msging a friend to try help ground me:s
I also brought something up with my dad the other night and consequently can see quite clearly now that I was really left out as I was growing up, my parents did everything with my older sis and younger bro but me.... nothing:(
I am just over this so much. I am hurting and I just need the pain to be gone and over. never to hurt me again. I will finally be safe then i think?
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