You need to stop punishing yourself when things impact on you. You cannot control that. You can't control how your emotions will react, you cannot control thoughts that occur, or urges, but what you can control is how you deal with these things. It's huge that you've been able to stop SHing, I really admire that to be honest, I'm struggling an awful lot with SH urges and engaging in them, but to see others achieve in resisting SH and going without it, is really inspiring, well done on you, and I mean that.
Do you ever treat yourself for your achievements? Maybe you could do that. It may spur you on to add more to the list. What do you enjoy doing? Cinema? A day out at the beach? Theme park day out? Maybe even just treat yourself to some new clothes, to a manicure, pamper yourself, get a massage, etc. Sorry if that's crap!
What therapy do you need? Could you not ask for the appropriate therpay? Why haven't you gotten it 5 years down the line?
It must be really difficult to work on things by yourself, what things do you think you need to work on right now though? Start there, and then find out what would help you to overcome these problems. Then perhaps you could finally start getting better.
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