when I think back.... they didnt even care about me. It didnt matter how much money they had to spend on jackie to keep her alive for that little bit longer... they did it - in an instant. But that morning when she could barely breathe they pretended to not hear. The coughing and more coughing and more... just so she could breathe in and have some air in her lungs... but it wasnt enough. She couldnt fight for a second longer...
***
when my friends mum tried talking to mum, she wouldnt listen. She refused to believe that me, her baby girl was slowly dying inside and that I needed help. It wasnt until the surgeon almost didnt let me go home after surgery cuz he saw my scars and thought my own parents were abusing me.
haha - funny thought that!
***
and now.... and now I am killing myself inside cuz I cannot do this anymore.
I dont want to. please, please just let me be with jackie now please!
and a therapy -DBT- could really help me but no, "its too expensive, the hospital admissions never helped.... so why should this?"
but I am breaking down inside. Arent parents meant to give up their world to help save their kids life? Well I am dying inside and its like they dont even care anymore....
that they have lost hope - well so have I!!!!!
I dont want to be living anymore. I cant. I am exhausted. I just need death. No more breathing.... I need rest and to be at peace.
maybe they will be happy then? I dont know???
a funeral is sure to cost more than DBT (maybe) but at least it will be a final cost for them to produce. At least after paying.... they will know that they will never have to give me anything ever again?
I dont want to be here anymore.