You havnt failied, you are just climbing an incredibly steep slow and its easy to slip. What you have done is really strong of you, but still on that slope, its not failing if you someone offers you hand to steady yourself.
Matthew, the next few weeks are going to be tough, they are certainly going to test you. If I have guessed right, you have been dreading the next few weeks for at least the past 4 years.
I still think you can beat this and move on to be a hell of a lot of happy. But I still say, if anyone offers you hand, or a flat plain to rest upon, take it. Rest up for a couple of weeks and reevaluate once dooms day is over.
Please get in touch if you need me. I wont be online much after the weekend, but please please do text me!!
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