Thanks everyone for their replies and hugs xxx. It made me feel better posting it, and also the fact that I was not ignored!!
Originally Posted by
roiben
I wonder whether taking the medicine would be the best thing for you, and if seeking professional help, whether under section or not would be better for you, than trying to prove a point to an authority that really, is very unlikely to take it as that.
Please, do not make yourself ill for the sake of the DWP. You are going through enough right now, without the added strain of being without assistance (after all, the whole point is proving just how much you really need that assistance)
I do get Incapacity Benefit and therefore do need assistance. It's that I am scared that when I get reassessed, rather than being put onto ESA, I get put back onto JSA. I have not had my letter yet telling me when it is yet, so the one good thing is that there is still time to get back onto the meds before the assessment, and I can properly answer any questions that they put to me. Which is impossible due to the voices and my lack of concentration at the moment.
When I saw my psych on Thursday, he said (I think that is what he said, because half the time I couldnt hear him because a) the voices were shouting and b) my concentration is so poor) that I was entitled to it. He said that he sees people in the psych unit who are capable of working, but he believes that at present I am not. He also said that when the time comes, he will write a letter to the DWP stating that fact.
I think what was doubly hard when I saw my psych on Thursday is that I only just found out about my second uncle and that it was hitting me. Normally my CPN comes in with my appointments to my psych, but she was off that day, and my social worker was off that day, I think things could have been better if either of them was that day. Only after 2 1/2 hours of talking to my psych and saying that I would take the meds did he avoid admitting me into hospital and/or sectioning me.
As for me going into hospital, when I was talking to my CPN last Wednesday (this is when she knew only about one uncle dying, and I was slightly better), ironically enough we were talking about a planned admission to hospital, with either me getting out before the 10th (which is the date of the first funeral) or if I was still there, being allowed out. If it was just the case that none of my uncles died and I was in the state I was in now, then I would agree to being in hospital. It's just that last year I was in hospital (it's a year ago exactly - give or take a few days) and that time I wanted to be in there. It hurt my dad and because of the fact he is hurt already (and busy organising the funeral of my second uncle), that is stopping me.
My CPN is coming tommorow and I think I will definitely explain about my second uncle dying (as she is unaware at the moment, unless my psych has written it down in his notes, and she reads them), and my feelings. That is if the voices dont tell me to shout at her, and tell her how betrayed I feel (she told me that she doesnt feel I am sectionable, yet I nearly did get sectioned) and how much I hate her. Or if, as I am really worried about (again it's the voices telling me), pushing her out of the door because I dont want to see her again. Which either things I think at the moment will make things worse, and she will tell my psych immediately, and then I do get back into hospital - whether sectioned or not.
P.S. I am now taking some meds - at the moment 150 mg of quetiapine (the lowest dose I can take - I should be on 600 mg). It's at the moment I am struggling with the sedation and also it's presently making no difference to the voices or the shadows - which I am being chased by. It's primarily the sedation that is stopping me taking a higher dose!!