I can definitely relate. My parental dynamics were somewhat similar. Except I rarely spoke up - I was crushed by my Dad before I even tried. And my Mum was [like my Dad, but in a submissive rather than controlling way] very depressed [neither were treated or formally diagnosed] and downtrodden by her husband's authority. She also has a history of psychosomatic illness [as do all my family, particularly the females on my mother's side.
And, there is tremendous power in insight. Never underestimate it's power to instigate, over time, deep change.
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