Originally Posted by
troubleshooter
Honestly, I don't think it's got to do with parenting or kids. I think it's got to do with our (western) society's pattern of not making people responsible for their actions. People are so much more willing to blame everyone else rather than say "I did this wrong, I messed up." People should be made to take responsibility, but they can be told to do so in kind ways. I mean you can say "You messed up that time and weren't thinking like a good parent. Now next time you really need to work hard to make sure you think of your kids first." That makes someone man up... but doesn't destroy their confidence either.
I think this is a good way of putting it :)
I see a lot of "bad parenting" in my job. Like everyone else has said it doesn't make them bad parents but their choices or approach to things seem to be off. Some parents choose to put their kids into daycare even when they are off work (something which I am really not happy with!) others have chosen to smoke throughout their pregnancies. One parent even engaged her then 3 year old daughter in the process of her parents divorce...including letting this poor little girl see her dad's clothes chucked out the front door.
The problem with parenting (I think) is knowing when it is your place to step in? Maybe that's part of the problem. i know I could never call someone out on their parenting skills at work...much as I would like to. Even with friends or family, I wouldn't know when it was OK to say "You maybe should try this differently."
Plus parenting is so hard to get right. What works for one child and one family will not work for another. What one parent believes is right, another will not agree with. So where is the line and when can you simply not justify your actions (There are obvious examples, but I mean in terms of everyday "good" parents )
I was once judged very harshly by a woman online because I mentioned that I had stopped breastfeeding. The reaction I got from this person was immense and deeply upsetting, especially as I felt I could justify my decision. She obviously felt that to stop breastfeeding meant bad parenting. At the time I got incredibly defensive (in all fairness I still do now, but I can at least see the other side of the argument)
When it comes to your children,
the most precious things in your world, it is very hard to hear a bad word said about you.
It would be fair enough to point out the mistakes a parent makes when they don't realise they're doing it. If someone already feels bad and guilty and are doing their best to remedy it, then what's the point in criticising them?
Not that I want to defend bad decisions. i am all for people hearing about where they can improve and understanding where they went wrong but people are far more likely to point out your mistakes than to compliment what you have done in raising your children! Just saying.