I think that self harmers are so afraid of being found out that it takes a lot to go and tell someone about it. If that person than goes and passes on this information and the reaction isn't great then the self harmer is going to feel even more alone. Personally if anybody passes on personal information about me that I have told them in confidence to anyone without my permission it is a betrayal of my trust and would cause me to clam up even more than I do at the moment.
I have had both situations from the truly helpful to the downright damaging. I can only remember the damaging ones because they are the occasions that have really hurt me and caused me to do more harm to myself - in fact the two major occasions that I can remember have both led me to become acutely suicidal and the effects of the 'betrayal' are still with me today.
The times passing on this information was helpful was when friends raised there concerns about me with teachers without giving away details because I hadn't told them this but this raised the alarm bells in the school and I was given more help.
I do think it is situational what works for one person won't work for another but I think the best way you can help someone who has confided in you is to help them get help themselves and if this doesn't work then tell them that you feel you have no choice but give them the option of who you would talk to. Because they still have options and control over what happens and at the end of the day most of us have reason's why x shouldnt know and those reasons should count for something.
|