[pea soup]

Thanks to all of you guys.

I have now spoken with Keith. He is sooo perfect in my eyes. He assured me that I will get to see him play next year, plus it will be even better because he will be in high school,lol. He understood when I explained the situation and was (as always) the sensible little guy. I apologized and expressed that I felt really bad that I wouldn't be there. We talked for a while about his grades and his bible study that he had tonight.

I still feel guilty because this is my own doing and is the most extreme harm I've ever done but I have learned a very hard lesson. When I was only cutting or burning, I could still manage to make visits but this has had a major effect on myself and my son. I know he is disappointed but would never let me know it. And after the episode we had with my Mom on one of his visits, I have to shape up and stop the **** I'm doing that is affecting my son.

I realize that I have been regressing for a while now and things have to change. I was taking steps to get back into therapy but found out today that the new therapist I was scheduled to see up and quit yesterday so I will be referred to someone else. That is ok with me. I'm just ready to get back into therapy and start progressing again.

I spoke with my old sponsor from AA tonight and she is very good at opening my mind and giving me some kind of clarity when my mind is all over the place.

I'm feeling a bit better....not good or great but not harming at least....and right now that's as far as I can get...and that's a step in the right direction for the moment, and I'm ok with that.

thank you all again.
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