Just got back from therapy.
She was worried and has given me a crisis plan to get my through until monday (I go away for two days then) and see her Thursday. She asked if I wanted to see her before thurs but I said no, and I don't have the time.
I feel very suicidal. She's put on my notes that I feel that way and what happened so if I go to A&E over the weekend they will be aware as they share notes.
I have to go for a blood test and I don't want to as I've not eaten for a while and I don't know what the pills will show up. Probably nothing.
See this just proves to my head that being at a slightly higher weight (I was up a bit from eating too much since last thurs). means that bad things like this happen. *He* kept sayign my body was perfect and I should keep it like that even when katy was telling him to shut up. But fuck him I don't want to keep it in a way that makes him want to have sex with me when I said no. I don't want anyone to look at me that way. I want to starve off all that fat I've put on and make myself as disgusting on the outside as I am inside.