Exploded today.
my poor family.. so much yelling and crying.
I really tried to keep it together but I failed. again.
tried to comunicate what I feel and what could be better, but they didn't listen.
I'm a bit better now... after I yelled at my family for a bit this afternoon. Still pretending though. I have to pretend to function.
work is stressing me. a lot. have to do the same thing every day at the factory. my back is hurting, from work. went to the doctor, he prescribed me pain meds. meds aren't working. I'm still in pain (a bit less though) and now I have funny little red spots in my face. Must be a side effect of the not working meds.
My dad went away for the weekend again, like every week. To his girlfriend, I'm happy for him to have a girlfriend again. I never get to see him now, can't for for a trail ride or do vaulting without him lunging. Kinda sucks, cause I always have to take care of the horse on the weekends. I like it, but now it's not a hobbie anymore. More like a job. No freetime.
Dad, I love him but I hate him so much. It's all my fault though, so I shouldn't hate him, right?
thank you for replying.
|