I can really really understand how you feel right now.
I am just not ready to stop. I can't imagine knowing that I could never hurt myself again but the potential consequences of carrying on are so big. I also can't carry on cutting where I want to (I'm a medical student and in hospitals there is a 'bare below the elbows' policy and in surgery I have to wear scrubs) and am running out of room in my second best places.
I'm afraid I don't really have a solution to the dilemma. If you find one please let me know. The only thing that has ever helped me is learning that I can ride out the urges. They do go away eventually and then even if they come back beating one is a step in the right direction. Along with that comes thinking about the pros and cons of cutting right then. For me they often come as I'm really tired and going to sleep so I have to decide whether it's worth delaying going to sleep to give into the urge.
Good luck with your internship.
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