[x-mixedemotions]

Okay here it is sorry its taken me a couple of days more than what i said, been busy with family. but here it is. hope you like it. (if theres any mistakes just want to apologise ive finished it off early in the morning ). keep the comments coming, their what motivates me.


Chapter 5
Dynamite.


I stand with my dads arms wrapped around me and hear a slight whisper of 'sorry' when he hugs me tighter and tighter. You would never believe that this is a man that i wasn't getting on with brilliantly when my mum was fine and at home with us.
'I'm so sorry Laura, i shouldn't of made you come in' Dad says to me as Mrs Bower leads us to a private room where we can sort through my school schedule.
"dont worry dad, really, its fine" i say to him with a slight smile on my face *at least it shows you care about me again* The next hour goes by fast as the three of us (Mrs Bower decided she would get her class covered by another member of staff so she could sort through this with me and my dad) sit in a private room talking through what is going to happen with my work, my exams and my school lessons. We all agree that me seeing a private tutor at home would probably be the best idea, that way i wouldn't have to come here to be sniggered at by all the nosey people at school. It would be just me and a tutor, the work i need to do and the revision leading to my exams.
"Can I go and see John for ten minutes please?" I ask them both and they both nod and I walk out of the room and make my way to see John. *what am i supposed to say to you now?*
I knock on the classroom door and walk in, walk up to the teacher who then calls John to go out the room with me and all the while having the whole class watch me.
'What do you want to talk about Laura?' John asks me as we walk up the corridor towards the playground.
"she said you went to talk to her out me and about what happened" i say to him as we sit on a bench. He nods at me and looks at the ground
'I still care about you, that never changed' he says still staring at the ground
"so we're over for good?" i say to him and he nods
'But, John' he shakes his head and we sit in silence for what feels like an eternity but is realistically only a few second.
"Why didn't you tell me about the cutting?" he says, staring at my arm
'how could I? John, you were my boyfriend, i couldn't do that, i couldn't hurt you like that'
"It wouldn't of hurt me, Laura"
'You don't know that, you can't say it wouldn't of done if i had of told you' I say to him and he looks at me shaking his head
"But you didn't even try me, you didn't even try and see and trust me"
'I couldn't' i whisper
"you just didn't want to. you could of on so many occasions"
'Why all of this now? why now when we're over and now it doesn't even matter, i don't even matter anymore? all of this is pointless, i don't know why i got you out of class'
"why did you get me out of class?" he asks me
'because i wanted to hear you tell me you still love me, John. i want you to tell me that we're still together and i havn't ****ed this up too' tears start to collect in my eyes again and i take deep breaths to try get rid of the sadness
"you havn't ****ed anything up"
'i obviously have havn't i? my mums in hospital fighting for her life because of me and the love of my life doesnt want to be with me anymore'
"I'm going to get back to class, this isn't going to get us anywhere if you start blaming yourself for things that have happened" i start crying as he stands up
'please dont leave me, i'll do anything to keep you' i say between sobs. John leans foward and kisses the top of my head and then walks off without another word. I watch him walk back into the school without taking a look back. He's over me, us; just like that.
After a couple of minutes I get up and walk to meet my dad and Mrs Bower in the room where we were before
'can we go?' i ask dad and he nods
"did it go okay with John?" he asks me
'lets just go okay'
"Thank you for your help today, Elenor" Dad says to my teacher as they shake hands and i walk as quickly as I can out of the school gates and up to our car. *I cant do this without you*

After five silent minutes in the car I realise where we're going; the hospital.

'oh great' i say out loud
"what?" dad asks keeping his eye on the road
'we're going back to this place' i mutter
"you have to see your mother again at some point, its been a couple of days now" *you know why i dont want to see her*
'doesn't make it any easier or better for me to see her, i only go because you all make me'
"well wait in the car then" dad says as he pulls into the car park
'i'm not sitting in here for an hour or two waiting for you to come out' I get out of the car and slam the door behind me and drag my feet behind dad as he walks into the hospital and checks us in. I hate coming here and seeing all the nurses with fake smiles on their faces. Because a smiles going to make everything get easier!

"The doctors are saying that it might help your mum if you talk to her" dad says to me and i cant help but laugh
'it will probably put her more into a coma' i mutter
"For goodness sake, Laura! your mum is in there connected up to a life support machine clinging to life and all you can think of is yourself. if your not coming in wait out here" he says to me as he walks into the room where my mum is, I follow behind him and watch as he kisses my mum on her head
'Why do you do that?' I ask him and he looks at me
"because shes my wife" he says
'what a joke! she doesn't love you. she goes around and shags everything that walks, thats not love' i snap at him and he stares at me in shock 'shes a whore, cant you see that?'
"dont talk about your mother like that, young lady!" Dad says steernly as I stare at him feeling anger building inside of me. Everything topped on another, each and every second keeping it there is making it more and more difficult to deal with. I feel like i'm a dynamite thats running out of time.
'we all know it,you know it, i know it, Chris knows it' i start walking back and foward over the same spot 'shes an awful mum, do you know that?' i shout at him and he just stands there staring at me blankly 'shes made me like this, shes the one that did this, the reason why this is happening to me'
"Laura please stop it" he says to me calmly
'stop what dad? telling the truth? that SHE doesnt deserve everything that she has. she doesnt deserve a husband like you, because you give her everything she doesnt deserve. she doesnt deserve those children, she just doesnt deserve it' all of a sudden theres lots of beeping and doctors running around 'take the easy way out, wont you MOTHER?' I shout as dad drags me out of the room and sits me down.
"whats happening with you Laura? wheres my little girl gone?"

*help me dad, oh god please help me*