Ian,
I'm sorry that things are so bad for you, still. But as long as you keep focusing your attention on the pills and the self-harming, then you're not really going to be able to deal with the way you feel and the reasons for it, and start to feel better. So I would suggest getting rid of those pills or giving them to someone you trust, and start trying to do something to help yourself. As others have said, it would probably be a good idea for you to talk about some of the stuff that's brought you to this point. I don't mean the self harm or whatever, the things behind all of this. Talk to your parents, your counsellor, us.
Darling, I don't mean to belittle what you're going through at all. But from April until now really isn't that long, in the scheme of things. It's what.. five months? And while that might feel absolutelty unbearable at the moment, it certainly isn't enough time for you to tell yourself that this isn't going to go away. I was self-harming and feeling really low for um, 5 years-ish. And I got there, things are a lot better now. I know people who've suffered from depression for a lot longer than that and still got to a point where they're glad to be alive. All I'm trying to say is you can't know right now that things won't get better, there's every chance that they will. But you have to give yourself a chance.
Take care of yourself, you know where I am.
xoxo
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