I do have support a lot in fact thank goodness-I am in an outpatient program. I have therapy and groups every day.
I dont know its not that I have uncovered long lost traumatic childhood events or anything new. But I guess I have been thinking about things in new ways, and realizing that I dont know who I am. And that I hate myself and judgemyself constantly, that all my thoughts are distorted and that I feel like no one actually cares about me-that they just pretend to.
I am taking care of them. Actually I think thats part of the reason why I cut to begin with. I like to take care of them. I purposfully went and bought steri strips cause I wanted to cause a lot of damage and then take care of it-stupid I know.
Its really hard to remember that things will get better.
Its been years and years. And now I am loosing my job because of this crap. Its not my fault my boss is just an unethical horrible person who doesnt understand people needing accomodations. Every thing is falling apart, employees used to love me everyone only has great things to say about me, but it seems lately everyone hates me.
all I want to do is sleep, restrict, and cut. what a life
|