Thankyou again for your comments and suggestions.
Normally i have friends in my room till about 1am or 2am, but due to insomnia its another 5 or 6 hours before i can even start to drift off to sleep. One of my counsilors has asked me to keep a sort of diary and write down what it is that im thinking while bad, i wont go into too much detail but it pretty much reads that my easiest and best solution is to end the torment in my life and the hurt that this is causing others. i know 4 months isnt a perticularly long time for some people, but for me it now feels like my life.
i did develop a drink problem where i was having 15pints,15 shots and probably more that i dont remember, because this helped the nights to disappear, but i realised it was just another form of harming, and probably one that did much worse.
i dont know the ages of people in this forum but im a 23year old male, and i havent really came across anyone else like me, and i dont know what that shows about me.
I really do try and put on a clown face for others and hide the sad face below, but is it worth it when i dont feel a thing?
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