I read this in GQ today and it made me titter so i thought i would post it!
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
- take off clothes and place them sectioned in a laundry basket according to colour.
- walk to bathroom wearing dressing gown
- if you see husband along the way cover up any exposed areas
- look at your physique in the mirror, make mental note to do more leg lifts in the morning
- get in the shower
- use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah and pumice stone
- wash your hair once with sage and cucumber shampoo with 43 added vitamins
- condition your hair with grapefruit and mint-enhanced conditioner
- wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red
- wash the rest of your body with gingernut and jaffa cake body wash
- shave armpits and legs
- turn off shower
- sponge off all wet surfaces in the shower
- spray mould spots with tile cleaner
- dry with towel the size of a small country
- wrap hair in super absorbent towel
- return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head
- if you see husband along the way cover up any exposed areas
- spend 40 minutes drying hair with hand held jet engine
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
- take clothes off while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile
- walk naked to the bathroom
- if you see wife along the way, shake your manhood and make a "woo-hoo" sound
- admire your physique in the mirror and the size of your manhood. Scratch backside
- get in shower
- wash your face
- wash your armpits
- blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off
- spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area
- wash your hair with stuff from the bottle nearest to hand
- make a shampoo mohawk
- pee like a racehorse
- rinse and get out of the shower
- fail to notice water on the floor because the curtain was hanging out of the bath
- admire size of manhood in mirror again
- leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on
- return to bedroom with towel around waist
- if you pass wife, pull off towel and make a "woo-hoo" sound
- throw wet towel on bed
- run fingers through hair twice to dry it
THE END