Thank you. I still dont feel "right" but at least i dont feel as bad. Motivation is hard. 3 days to work myself up to going to the gym lol. Gonna try and go today.
Theres a sadness and a heavy melancholy that comes with recovery. Its like waking up and thinking "of ****, did that really just happen to me?".
Ive not quite gotten to the "hope" part yet and i still cry a lot but perhaps one day soon ill feel awake and full of energy and alove and ..................happy?
You know what the biggest difference is?
for years i thought i was making it all up. I thought i was 100% in control of how i felt. I was convinced i made everything happen myself. The difference now is that when i try to do good and healthy and helpful things "it" is still there.
currently i am trying to figure how bad "it" actually was/is? I cant seem to find a benchmark for which to pin it against.
.....and yes Rainy i couldnt have done it without those puppies of love to help me on my way :P
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