Bee, I can empathise with how you are feeling. I often have incredibly similar thoughts. I am treatment resistant depressive though, and I work with my boyfriend and my care team to challenge these thoughts and work on small things to keep me going - Even if just to the next hour.
There is no certainty in life. Life itself is a constant flux and that means there is always opportunity in some way. Often, for me, it is looking at the small things that mount up and balance out the bad.
You do not need to have lots of people around you. You can also begin now to gain friends, should you want to. I personally have a few friends on line, one or two people I know in work, my boyfriend and my familly. That is it and for me, that is all I need right now.
You say you dislike your job, and I wonder if this is something you can look to change and improve? Perhaps look for alternative roles, or training to work towards something that excites you more and will help provide that reason to get up in the morning (besides paying you).
You also say you dislike home, and I wonder if this is the place, the memories it holds for you, or the people in it. In these cases it is often possible to move, or work towards moving (by saving, or looking at alternative arrangments).
I am not going to say everything will sudenly be sunshine and roses - as I do not believe that is true, change often takes time and effort. It can happen though. Please do keep going, as much of a struggle as it feels right now, as eventually you will find you can look back and spot those few good things beginning to pile up.
Be gentle with yourself. You are the only you you have got.
Roiben x
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