I am not as old as you guys :P but I am a Vet! I was wondering if you could try and explain the contrast between your concern for your injuries and also your lack of intent to get them treated? I understand how unpleasant a+e is but going would at least alleviate some of your concern and distress about the dangers of your injuries and they may also be able to get you some extra support, or at least provide you with someone to talk to there and then? What exactly makes you detest a+e so much? Is there a way around it? For example a minor injuries unit instead. I apologise if this is not possible because of the nature of your injuries but they will sometimes stitch and assess wounds.
Re the 'why' it has escalated question: I think it is very common for it to escalate over time. You are definitely not alone in that. I think maybe going to a+e to get treatment might be quite important to your mental recovery as well. I am not wording this very well so I apologise but in some ways not going to a+e means you don't have to confront the reactions of 'normal/healthy' people and minds towards your harming. I know that is not the only, or even main reason why you may hate a+e but maybe it is a small one to consider as a possible influence?
Please try and remember whatever your circumstances though that just because you harming has escalated, does not mean you will never get a handle on it or that you can't regain control even now.
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