[xoitschristyxo]

First of all, I'm sorry that my first post here is so negative. I stumbled upon this site completely by accident,and I can only hope it's a sign from some higher power that it's my time to save myself.

My name is Christy,I am 17 and have been struggling alone with self harm since I was 12. It started off with small things like scratches,but it got worse during seventh grade. I have two permanent scars on my arm from that,and it scared me out of cutting so deep for awhile. It went back to scratches and bruises (i ve had a terrible habit since I was really young of hitting myself when really anxious or upset). This year it's gotten out of control again though,back to the razor and back to never sleeping. Ever since I've been having such bad stomach pains when I eat, I've lost interest in eating and the weight loss frustrates me into punishing myself every time I look in the mirror. It's like I'm trapped in a cycle. I really don't know what to do..... my mom knew I've done this before,but honestly she never cared much. She's great, I mean it,but she belittles my depression because she went through so much with my older sister I don't think she can handle facing it again with me,so she ignores it. I want to find help,counciling or even a hospital at this point,but I cannot have my parents know. I just don't know what to do. I help everyone I know with their problems,but no one really listens to mine, and if they do they freak and leave me. I've grown terrified of trusting people. I just....gah, I've hate what I've become and I want to change, I just don't know how, I also don't know how to get these cuts to heal faster, I don't like the constant long sleeves and in the summer I know I'll hate them and these jeans..... ): any advice guys? It would all be appreciated. Thank you so much for the time. <3