I've felt like that for a very long time and it's hard to let go of it but you don't have to take all that responsibility on yourself. Do you have any kind of therapist because it sounds like the kind of thing that they could help you work through.
You really don't need to punish yourself, not everything is your fault, it's just your mind making it feel that way.
I hope you can get some help with this.
xxx
|