I wish I knew the words to explain how I feel but I don't. I don't even feel particularly sad today and yet still I have lots of little pills lined up just ready for me to take. It makes no sense to me, logically I know I should just get help but something stopping me, maybe I just don't know how or maybe my pride gets in the way. I read the other night that one in ten people who have bpd will die of suicide maybe after all I'm just that lucky one and it's already engrained into my destiny, thats a strangely comforting thought.
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