I honestly don't know what to say to you other than you're not the only one. I forced myself to going into therapy because the severity of my thoughts (breaking bones and amputation) was scaring me, and I couldn't escape the thoughts and urges. Going into therapy under crisis, stopping was forced on me. Other people who don't have this problem don't understand as much. Yeah, I went almost a month without it, cold tofurkey, but then I relapsed because stopping was not what I wanted, but what others wanted for me. For "outsiders" it's an all or nothing game, and they don't quite get what it is that we're going through. Ultimately, nobody can make you stop until you are ready. You'll just keep going. Be honest at your psych referral, that's what I would do.
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