[evfreak42]

I just started a new job. My first job in the field that I went to school for. It's been about 3 weeks since I started. I provide behavioral interventions to children in the school and home setting. My job is to implement treatment plans made by clinicians. The whole thing requires a lot of independence and organization because there's a ton of paperwork and scheduling clients. For the most part, it is up to me to make sure I'm doing what I need to do, and that's very scary for me.

I've always struggled with social anxiety and confidence issues. I can deal with the clients (children) pretty well, and I feel like I'm improving my skills every day. However, I was due to start a new case today but because of snow and ice I couldn't make it. It is my first case at home and I haven't met the parents yet. The clinician wanted me to call to introduce myself and I have been having major anxiety over calling them. Now it's around dinner time and I'm having even more anxiety over calling because what if I interrupt their dinner? I know, what's the big deal? But I can't seem to get over it. I would rather meet face to face when they expect me than to call randomly.

I feel weak and dumb to let this beat me now. What a stupid little thing to be bent out of shape over. But it's been growing in different ways over the past couple of weeks and getting worse. I don't feel as confident as I want and I hate that.

All these changes are getting to me...and the urge to self harm keeps creeping back up. It's been a year with only a few minor slip-ups. I'm proud of that, but sometimes I forget why it matters.

Anyone have similar experiences or know what might help?

Thanks for reading.