First off thank you for replying and relating with me. My grandma wasn't the only one who did a number on me. The dog I was talking about it wasn't as much about them being hers it is the breed. She is a Chihuahua. I am scared of any dogs larger. My daughter was moving to Rhode Island with her dad and had a rat terrier. It's too cold there so she begged me to take him. He had his papers and everything. So I agree to take him in. He was much larger for that breed. The first time he attacked me from behind and latched on to my legs. My gf had to kick me in the stomach to throw me back to get him off me. It was nasty but didn't need stitches. I had already grown attached to him and I figured someway I had set him off. Second time I was rubbing his belly and he just jumped up and latched onto my face. That time required stitches. I didn't learn. I still loved him and the thought of letting my daughter down kept me from getting rid of him. The last and final time he was on the sofa and stood up like he normally does when he wants a hug. So I went to hug him and he latched on from below the right side of my nose to upper and lower lip puncturing all the way thru. He was shaking his head hard and I put my hand up to try to get him off me. He tore into it then back to my face. It was like a dream. I can still see myself put my free hand to my face and coming away soaked. My gf had to throw a bar stool at him to get him off me. That time required a 911 and three day hospital stay. My gf placed him in a good home no children and the man knew exactly what he had done. So hopefully you can see why that paticular dog. Besides my three previous dogs were also that breed. I was counting on my gf's dogs puppies because they wouldn't cost anything and I would have the dogs I love. I really feel like it's my fault. I wanted them so bad I even had names picked out. To say that is the only thing wrong today would be a lie. I am also bipolar and have borderline personality disorder. Borderline personality disorder develops at a very young age by severe abuse. The two combined today was is overwhelming. For hours I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the floors, cleaning counters, doing laundry, playing farmville, and finally posting in here all to avoid harming. With bipolar you get these racing thoughts in your head and its like their hitting you all at once and you just want quiet. Then there is the abuse Ptsd. Things play over and over in my head and I have to battle to make it stop. I will probably be in therapy my whole life. I use crisis lines believe me and for awhile they are helpful but then in the end I resort to harming. I am sorry for laying all this out it's just on a computer you can put your thoughts and no worries of being judged. To the ones you love they don't understand and in my experience think I can just stop. Again thank you for replying. I know people must get sick of my post by now.
