Hi there, i cant realy relate much with the passing of the pup, was realy young when my previous dog died, but i do get the attatchment to animals.I love love love my dog and i know she will love me always too so long as i feed her, take her for walks and give her cuddles.She will love me when i look a totaly mess, if i feel a total mess, she just loves me for me.I think that's what you were saying.So just know that i get what you mean.
You say that its your last chance to get a puppy.
I dont quite understand why but it does seem like you are focused on wanting one of these puppies in particular.
I know you are feeling realy upset and emotion about the little puppy dying, i can only imagine how awful you must be feeling but bad things happen and are sent to test us and maybe everything does happen for a reason??
No disrespect to your Grandmother but i personaly dont believe her theory that if you want something too much it will die, and i actualy think, judging by this post, it has had a negitive psychological effect on you which you may benefit from talking about with your therapist.
Have you considered that you could go to a rescue kennel and find an affordable pup to buy and take home with you?
It may not be the breed you want but if there is a scruffy little doggy out there that no one wants it would benefit so much from your love for dogs.
Sorry i dont have any decent advice, but if you are breaking point, you realy should call a crisis team or something.
Best wishes
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