i cannot get the stupid tests out of my mind. i keep worrying and freaking myself out that things are going to get really bad soon. i am so afraid that something is seriously wrong with me.
i went on webmd last night and looked up my symptoms. what i read from that really freaked me out. i know i should not have looked them up but i thought if i knew more information on what was going on with me i would feel more eased about it, but it only made things worse. i know that i am not a doctor, and looking things up on the internet is not a way to diagnose problems, but i am still anxious for next monday and the battery of tests that i have to go through.
i met with my therapist today, and i told her about my cutting episode yesterday and how triggered i was because of the annual physical. i did more crying in her office than i did talking, and again i was hoping that it would make things better but i only feel worse. i am having strong urges to hurt myself again.
argh i just do not know what i can do to make things better. they only seem to be getting worse.