See hun, obviously it was a good idea for you to call your pdoc, now she knows what's going on and next time you can really concentrate on whats going on for you. I know you're scared and you feel that you can't do anything anymore, but you CAN! You are an amazing person and although you've made some bad decisions you're TRYing to get better you went do your Doctors appointment this afternoon, you're still posting on here and you're still reaching out to others.
But you have to let the 'professionals' help you m'dear please just go with them and take care of yourself!
Oh and how did the doctors appointment go by the way?
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