I am really struggling today. I just seem to be getting worse and I have no energy for anything. I cancelled my apt with L this morning. I couldnt see her I just couldnt. I dont even know if I will be able to see V on thursday!
and besides... I may be having my wound restitched then in day surgery so maybe I wont be able to go anyway!!!
I called my pdoc.... it was mostly cuz T told me it would be a good idea
I feel so little and small inside. I dont want to keep fighting I dont. My head is too fucking strong and there is no break from it. Even when I am busy its still fucking yelling and screaming at me.
And to make matters worse I NEED to speak to my butterfly to say goodbye. fuck fuck fuck
am I scared or am I not!!!! I dont even know anymore.
I just want an ending to this same fucking nightmare.
I will only wake up again to face the same shit. What is the point?
I hate me!!!!
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