Ok, so i think your counselor was pretty right.... you can only wallow for so long, and it is only you who can inspire/motivate yourself to change. A huge part of motivation is your mindset... if you continue to think you are a failure then your actions/your life will reflect this attitude. A past experience that is bad is past.... the meds you took then may not have been right but dont give up completely becasue there is defiantly a medication that can help you. It took doctors 7 years to find the right meds for me... for some of those 7 years i was suicidal due to the medication i was on.. thats an extreme example but please try again. You mentioned that you want to learn how to cope on your own... if you are in a negative mindset and depressed then it is very difficult to actually achieve coping on your own. Medication can stablise your mood thus allowing you to look at coping skills which later on you can use without the aid of medication.
Why do you colleagues need to find out.... im sure that you dont have to share personal information with all of your collugese? i can understand your boss needing to know but other then that i dont understand it. If you family found out.... what is the worst that could happen? they try to help you? And jsut becasue you cut 'failure' onto self does not mean you are and neither does it label you as that. Take a step back.... out of your comfort of wallowing and see that you can indeed change whats happening for you but you gotta find the motivation, accept help and be open.
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