I understand wanting to be like other people who seem to be able to do things without as much of a struggle, but the fact is that your mind works differently, so the trick is learning to work with it in order to achieve what you want. If it means you have to do things a little differently, that's okay, you know?
You're right that cutting and isolating won't solve anything, though it is very tempting at times.
Maybe it would be worth getting back on meds. Why did you stop taking them last year?
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