You are not rambling.
I am sorry you ended up in the ER and things did not go as well as you pleased. But you know what? You agreed to go with your husband there, you dealt with the immediate risk/issue and were discharged less than 24 hours later. That is PROGRESS on how you were three years ago or so. It is a blip. Painful, yes....but certainly NOT a failure.
Maybe things are more difficult for you now,maybe being totally off the lithium is not 'right' for you at this moment, maybe that is why your seroquel use has increased. Are there only other, newer drugs with less side effects like lamotrigine/topirimate etc that you could try instead of lithium? I truely understand your hatred of being on so many meds and I know it is not ideal. But just because you need them now, does not mean in the future (once you have had more OP therapy *gives you a look*) that you will not be able to cope on less medication. Just maybe now is not the time.
Re therapy. Screw other people. There will always be people that 'need it more' (or at least that is how we can convince ourselves). If you did not need it then they would not waste their time referring you. You do need it and what is more you DESERVE it and will probably use it better than a lot of people because you want to feel better and are probably more committed to moving forward. Take the damn referral, grab it in both hands and use this opportunity to get over this blip and CONTINUE to move forwards.
You can do it Romp, you have not failed...promise. And I would tell you if I thought you had (probably not that politely either :P ).
lots of love xxxx
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