[amixlovesxcheryl]

Im sorry for posting here, if im honest i havent been on RYL for a long time, im not sure how long, it feels like forever. I just dont know what to do anymore, im loosing myself. I cut last night, pretty bad, i needed stitches, everyone was so disappointed, i dont blame them, im a failure. Sorry, but the thing is, last year i was sectioned, not once, not twice, but four times, i spent the majority of the year in the hospital because im such a fuck up, and the thing is i dont mean to be. i dont know what to do with myself any more. i really want to od, nobodys home, and i have enough tablets, im just so scared, i dont want to end up in hospital again, im not strong enough to make it, i just dont want to be here. i cant seem to calm my head, i keep having these visions that are really disturbing me, im so lost, im so sorry. i wish someone would just tell me what the hell im supposed to do, but they wont, everybodys given up on me, nobody cares, maybe id be better off in hospital, im not safe out here, i just dont know, iv got my blades, i might cut, i need the release but if i do i'll go too deep, i know i will. im so scared