What makes you think that it's an external influence that's trying to make you kill yourself, and not a part of your own mind? In my experience we sometimes blame our destructive part on something external so that we don't have to accept it as a part of ourselves. We can even convince ourselves that this is the case.
Do you have a psychologist or a psychotherapist, or are you getting any talking therapies of any kind, to help you understand what is going on for you?
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