Thanks to you both Kat && Emma. *big hugs*
I'm not sure if this will make sense right now.
As a quick update:
I got my results from last study period at uni - a HD
Still working hard on my two subjects for this study period
I get the results from my CT scan on Tuesday
I'm in the grip of a depression that is ... not pleasant
I went clothes shopping on Tuesday just gone and started replacing my now too-big wardrobe
Also, during the worst of my depression I had set a date to go with my suicide plan. That date has now been and gone. On the date I got myself ready to go ahead and found myself unable to do it for one reason. Just one simple reason. In some ways it scares me to the bone because that reason can be removed and it is the only thing that is acting as a protective barrier. Since then I have been trying to work out what to do. Yesterday I opened up someone IRL for the first time about it. I haven't even told my housemate. I really don't want to hurt or upset him. I also don't want to end up in the hospital - partly because I'm terrified of the place, and partly because I am right in the middle of the study period and it will completely destroy any hope I have of finishing it. I have my GP appointment on Tuesday and a psychiatrist appointment on the 19th. The friend I told yesterday and I discussed talking with them about it and decided just acknowledging the depression and suicidal urges with the GP but not the almost attempt, but telling the full story to the psychiatrist. I just really don't want anyone to overreact.
*sigh* I wish my moods were as under control as my psychosis