[dollpart]

not bipolar. not depressed (?!).
a "personality disorder". (borderline).
they can't/ won't medicate it. there are things i can do to change patterns of behaviour, there are things i can try to feel better, but basically i am on my own with this one. it explains the lack of ambition/ wildly swivelling ambitions, the inability to sustain relationships healthily, the blind panic i feel every time N leaves me alone. the paranoia and the self-harm. at least it is a starting point. i just wish they had told me before i got so close to ruining everything good in my life. i hope i can salvage it... i love her, and to lose her to this would defeat me.