Sorry it's taken a few days to reply. Feeling a bit all over the place.
Oly - I just can't do it any more the meds. I've come off them cold turkey, I know this is risky but I just have to do it because I can't stand them any more. The way they control my mind and make me feel so drained constantly. I'm going to tell them when I see them next week that I've stopped for good.
Sarah - I'm going to write a letter I think. I can't keep doing this telling the cpn and doctor I'm ok I can handle it when I can't. I always clam up when I'm with them, it's easier to pass things off rather than open up to them. The sleeping pills aren't working at all really, I don't even feel drowsy. I've never heard of the blinking thing, I might try it though.
Mikey - I might try writing a letter, I sometimes keep a diary but it's not very frequent. I guess I could copy some stuff from that. It's frustrating because I know I need the medication, but I just can't force myself to keep taking it any more. I guess you are right it is a double fear, fear of them and fear of experiencing alone. Being RYL helps though because then I know I'm not alone, there are others that see this stuff too.
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