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one_step_closer · 27-12-2010, 09:58 PM

What do you do when you are so suicidal and are sure that you are going to do something dangerous which may or may not kill you but the one thing that would keep you safe, hospital admission, isn't an option? I's in my management plan that I haven't ever to be admitted to hospital. In the past I have spoken to professionals about the men in my head trying to kill me and they have told me to go home. On that instance the men did try to kill me and I ended up ill on a medical ward. This time it is by my own devices, I am sick of being alive and don't have the iternal resources needed to get through life so I want to go through with suicide.

At the same time I need to stay alive for my brother. He is 19 and we have lost both of our parents. We have some extended family but we're not close. If I was to kill myself it would devastate my brother and ruin his life but I feel like the urge is so strong at the moment that I can't fight. The last time I was allowed to be admitted to a psychiatric ward I was just as bad as this. I just don't know what to do or how to keep myself safe. There is no way that I am telling my brother how I am feeling.

27-12-2010, 09:58 PM	#1
one_step_closer The Shadow of the Day Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Scotland	What do you do when...? What do you do when you are so suicidal and are sure that you are going to do something dangerous which may or may not kill you but the one thing that would keep you safe, hospital admission, isn't an option? I's in my management plan that I haven't ever to be admitted to hospital. In the past I have spoken to professionals about the men in my head trying to kill me and they have told me to go home. On that instance the men did try to kill me and I ended up ill on a medical ward. This time it is by my own devices, I am sick of being alive and don't have the iternal resources needed to get through life so I want to go through with suicide. At the same time I need to stay alive for my brother. He is 19 and we have lost both of our parents. We have some extended family but we're not close. If I was to kill myself it would devastate my brother and ruin his life but I feel like the urge is so strong at the moment that I can't fight. The last time I was allowed to be admitted to a psychiatric ward I was just as bad as this. I just don't know what to do or how to keep myself safe. There is no way that I am telling my brother how I am feeling.
	I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much. Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass. You didn't come this far just to come this far.