i am so scared of losing her. and at the same time i know that it's scarier to keep hurting her the way i have. it's horrible posting this here because i know some of the things i have done are some of the reasons people are on here... if that makes sense. i've been getting help but im always scared progress will be too slow to keep up- that i will find the roots of my behaviour when i have already lost her, or hurt her too much. im just so scared right now.
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