[ICPfandom]

Well... I hadn't self injured for quite some time. About 2 years with the occasional slip-up. I had been waiting to talk to him for over a year. The day came and went. I blew up. Carved his name into my stomach. Last night I Told the people that take care of me in my group home. I couldn't even lift up my shirt the shame was burning in my chest. When the "Family Teacher" I told say she gasped and said "Oh my god." She called another one into the room. She is my favorite. Diana is her name. all I heard was "Oh my god." coming out of her mouth. She had me sit in the office and she paced in front of me. I just stared ahead and bit my lip. When she stopped and looked at me, I lost it. I banged the back of my head against the wall behind me and I felt the tears come. I tried to hold them back but I lost it. I rocked back and fourth in my chair the tears spilling out of my eyes. They didnt seem to come fast enough. I was so upset i was shaking and pulling at my hair. I could feel the dull throbbing on my stomach, like his name was burning my skin with acid. I can still feel it right now. I hated to see the pity in Dianas eyes.Shes the kind of person who never shows emotion. She has a hard attitude and doesnt care for anyone. Some of the other girls had self harmed here and she found out, but I never saw the pity in her eyes. Fear and pain struck her face. After she seemed to find her voice she said "Call Jaimie" Jaimie is my counselor. She came in and looked at me. She sat in the chair and watched me cry. She got me a glass of water and told me in a strong voice to breathe and take a sip. She told me to breathe and take a sip. She told me to start talking when I was ready to talk calmly and rationally. It took me forever to get my voice back. What came out of my mouth were words like "Obsession" "Control" "Anguish" It was terrible. I'm so upset.