Tokoloshe, you're right, it doesn't disappear, but it gets berable with time.
Now it's becoming more and more berable for me. I will never forget, but...I find it easier to live with it.
I guess the hardest thing for me was to see the good in such person nd love someone like that.
I always though you love someone for the thing they are- I never knew you could love someone so painfully in spite of what they are, and see the small seed of good in them. Because truth is he had always been good to me(besides the part of getting screwed up), may be because I was the only person in his life who believed in him and didn't betray him.
So I loved him in spite of those things, and it makes it so much harder to grief, because I don't like the person he is- and yet I love him and wish him to get out of this alive(even though I stopped believing in this a while ago). I know awful truth, but it's the truth.
However now I can live with it. I'm not sure if it's fair to him, but I couldn't save him so I have to keep living.
As for work helping, I'm not working now, and though working helps me too, I actually just get lost in working, and it's temporary, it's not helping, just covering the pain for a while.
Then again, I'm artist, I prefer being emotional and dealing with things in other ways. But if you prefer the person you are at work why don't you try being like this outside too?
Myself, I got stubborn to oppose to everyone I know and all voice of reason-part of the grieving I guess, i was too angry to follow other people's wishes- and I refuse to find regular job after the summer and decided to succeed with my art.
Very depressing with the whole me against the world for a while, but now when orders for my small prints and drawings are finally picking up I am in fact happy about that. May be it will turn out to be blessing in diguise.
Hope your relationships are going better *hugs*
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