Hiya
I can relate to everything you've said in your message too!
My mum has control of my meds as I am also at high risk of od-ing. I feel like such a child when my mum hands out my medication, but it's my own fault I guess.
I was also let out of hospital still suicidal and I'm in that position right now where everyone is tip-toeing around me. Mum said she'd take time off work but like you, I just want to be alone. I'm feeling really bad today and my dad is off work because of the snow. I really want to be alone and OD but I can't, which is so frustrating. I'm feeling really angry and just feel like crying, screaming - i'm not sure which!
Like you said, my parents think it is there fault too. I try to tell them its not their fault but they feel guilty which makes me feel even worse as I don't want them to feel that way. I wish I could just get better but I don't think it's going to happen anytime soon. I don't think my meds are working at all. None of the anti-deps I've had seem to work.
Hugs xx