[xlaurenx]

Hugs i can relate to quite afew things you have written hun. Its hard, I know its hard. Though suicide is an option, its permanment . I was too severely depressed and suicidal though no one knew i was suicidal, been in that place is awful i still wish that no one else had to go through depression as its awful, it changes your world as your thoughts change they all become negative thought- well atleast they did for me.

Its hard to keep going, i found it hard to do my horse on my days i hated it , my mare she was a chore i hated the whole cycle of depression though they were some days i would be okay, I just kept going and going until i was exhausted both physically and mentally- doing 4 shifts a week at work, having my horse, college 4 days a week 8-6 i was handing in assignments in up to 2 months late, just aslong as i had another week to do it i would convince myself i would get the work done though i never did by feb i had 15 assignments to do i was meant to get DDD overall ( equals A*s) and the first term i was on CCB alevel , doing 20 hour days getting 3-4 hours sleep a night 5 if i was lucky. In the end i got ill as my immune system wasn't strong enough and was off college for a week The 'wake up call' for me was when i had planned my death, the only problem was i was taken to A&E after an od and the next day i was meant to 'end things'

I can understand the feelings ; the guilt , feeling worthless. Believe me , you none of them things! You arent a hopeless case, try not to feel guilty about your mum looking after you, your ill too, you can't help that sweetie.

As far as who you will see after HHT, wouldn't it be adult services? If you arent already with them , they must put some support in really.

Suicide would solve the problem but would you really want to end things? They will get better, when things are really bad , the only way you can go is up :) Things will get better hun though its hard to believe i never thought they would , but they have for me and they will do for you aswell hun.

If you ever wanna talk feel free to pm me :)

laurenxx