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baggyjeans · 29-11-2010, 10:29 PM

I've been struggling with depression for years and years (I'd guess at around 12 years but have been treated for depression with anti-depressants on and off for around 9 years) but recently things have been particularly bad and I have taken 3 overdoses over about the last 5 weeks. After the first overdose, I was admitted into hospital and since leaving the ward, I have been being treated by the Home Treatment Team who have been visiting me almost everyday and who I can telephone whenever I'm in need of support. I have also been seen by a psychiatrist who has been trying to sort out my medication and I am seeing a psychologist for the first time later this week. I really feel like I am getting all the help I could possibily ask for but I just don't seem to be getting any better. There are days when I am a bit more positive and engage in the CBT training, that the HTT do with me, more easily, but this never lasts and most of the time I am severely depressed and suicidal.

I feel that I am really trying to put on a brave face now. I suppose as it has been a few weeks now, my family and HTT expect improvement but although there has been a little bit of improvement, generally things haven't changed much at all, and I am still feeling suicidal most of the time. Right now, I feel really bad and feel like things will never get any better and that I'm a bit of a hopeless case. I'm also getting worried as it is coming to the end of the HTT time so after a couple of weeks I won't be seen by them anymore so I'm worried about who I will turn to. Obviously I can ring the crisis team but it's always a lot easier to seek help when you know who you're speaking to.

Right now I feel like I am going to feel like this forever. I feel so so low. I'm finding no enjoyment in anything I do right now. Everything I used to enjoy has now become a really hard chore and I am finding it hard to do anything without bursting into tears or feeling suicidal. The HTT keep saying I should focus on the here and now but I'm finding the here and now such a struggle as I see no point in any of it. On top of feeling like this, my dad is also really really ill and is causing a lot of worry for the family. My mum is having to cope with both me and my dad being ill and I feel so guilty that I can't just get better.

I really don't know what to do at the moment or who to turn to. I also think I find it really hard explaining how I feel properly, which is maybe stopping me getting the help I need. I really don't know what to do. Sometimes suicide seems like the only way out of feeling these feelings.

29-11-2010, 10:29 PM	#1
baggyjeans Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: UK I am currently:	Struggling I've been struggling with depression for years and years (I'd guess at around 12 years but have been treated for depression with anti-depressants on and off for around 9 years) but recently things have been particularly bad and I have taken 3 overdoses over about the last 5 weeks. After the first overdose, I was admitted into hospital and since leaving the ward, I have been being treated by the Home Treatment Team who have been visiting me almost everyday and who I can telephone whenever I'm in need of support. I have also been seen by a psychiatrist who has been trying to sort out my medication and I am seeing a psychologist for the first time later this week. I really feel like I am getting all the help I could possibily ask for but I just don't seem to be getting any better. There are days when I am a bit more positive and engage in the CBT training, that the HTT do with me, more easily, but this never lasts and most of the time I am severely depressed and suicidal. I feel that I am really trying to put on a brave face now. I suppose as it has been a few weeks now, my family and HTT expect improvement but although there has been a little bit of improvement, generally things haven't changed much at all, and I am still feeling suicidal most of the time. Right now, I feel really bad and feel like things will never get any better and that I'm a bit of a hopeless case. I'm also getting worried as it is coming to the end of the HTT time so after a couple of weeks I won't be seen by them anymore so I'm worried about who I will turn to. Obviously I can ring the crisis team but it's always a lot easier to seek help when you know who you're speaking to. Right now I feel like I am going to feel like this forever. I feel so so low. I'm finding no enjoyment in anything I do right now. Everything I used to enjoy has now become a really hard chore and I am finding it hard to do anything without bursting into tears or feeling suicidal. The HTT keep saying I should focus on the here and now but I'm finding the here and now such a struggle as I see no point in any of it. On top of feeling like this, my dad is also really really ill and is causing a lot of worry for the family. My mum is having to cope with both me and my dad being ill and I feel so guilty that I can't just get better. I really don't know what to do at the moment or who to turn to. I also think I find it really hard explaining how I feel properly, which is maybe stopping me getting the help I need. I really don't know what to do. Sometimes suicide seems like the only way out of feeling these feelings.